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By - ZsClarc

Shut Up And Drink: Weekend Horoscopes July 21-23

Here we are again. Another weekend, another attempt to scheme our future debauchery around the arbitrary movement of the stars and planets as they correspond to the date and period of our birth. Its various kinds of beautiful, isnt it? Will you be blacking out this weekend, or will you be staying in and catching up on all the goes to show retain promising people youll watch? Will you meet your future husband, or will you drunkenly makeup with the fuckboy who will waste the next six months of their own lives? Theres no way to know. Just kidding! Yes, there is! You can look to the stars! And owing to the fact that we adult, educated females would never do anything without consulting the heavens, lets dive into it in order to be allowed to construct the absolute the majority of members of this midsummer weekend.


Word to the wise: every betch needs a side hustle. Dont know what yours is? Well this is the weekend to figure it out. If you have a skill or pastime, this would be the obvious option, but dont let that limit you. There are thousands of mediocre Etsy pages out there peddling half-assed product and making actual money off of it, so why not you? Grab some chalk pens, watch a YouTube video about calligraphy, and start accumulating those checks.


Emotions are a crazy thing, Taurus. Crazy in the sense that no one wants to hear about them, but that doesnt seem to stop you from telling anyone in earshot about your latest breakdown. This weekend, reach down into your Irish roots and repress every emotion that tries to leave your torso. Not Irish? For the next two days, you are. Its an easy one-step process where you drink alcohol anytime you consider talking about the way you feel. Dedicate it a try.


Some of your decisions lately ought to have sketchy to say the least. You arent genuinely being yourself and its pretty goddamn obvious to just about everyone who knows you. Your friends. Your coworkers. That guy you ghosted three months ago who wont fucking discontinue. Literally everyone is on to you. This weekend, try getting back to basics. Perhaps go out and do some of the things you used to enjoy and see if that spark is still there. People change, which is fine, so its possible this could be the start of the new you. But if it is, make sure the decision is yours alone and not being influenced by others.


Youve been through a bit of a rough patch lately, Cancer. Has this spot lasted the totality of summertime? Sure, but that doesnt mean your luck cant turned back now. Pretend this weekend be the first time that of the summer and dedicate yourself to having the best time ever. My advice would be to turn on by Carly Rae Jepsen and follow your instincts from there on out. Wherever Carly takes you is the place “youve got to be”, and hopefully, that place is full of margaritas.


Birthday season is right around the corner Leo, which intends all productivity is about to halt in gala of the most important person in your life: you. Everyone knows that a Leo throws down for their birthday, and this year should be no different. This weekend, take some time to strategize the perfect birthday programme. Whether youre looking for an intimate assemble of your closest friends or an all-out party the likes of which could got to get evicted from your apartment complex, “theres only” one regulation: whatever you say runs. Stock up on the champagne and get ready for a month of celebrating.


Virgo, it’s time to get loose and have some fun this weekend. No offense, but youve been somewhat stale lately and this is the weekend that all changes. Make sure attaches importance to all the men around you, because one of them might turn out to be the man of your daydreams. Or perhaps only the man of the night. Or even just “the mens” who retains buying you shots of tequila. Either behavior, be a yes betch and have an amazing night that you’ll never remember. TBH, it probably for the best.


Libras have a tendency to throw down for their friends. Or their acquaintances. OR a girl they met in line for the bathroom whos merely having a rough nighttime. Its sweet in theory, but its likewise emotionally exhausting and a bit extra if were being honest. This weekend, try and be a little more judicious about the person or persons you hurl yourself on the line for. I know its going to be hard to not rush to the defense of every person you come across, but you only might make it through the weekend with your mental and physical health intact. Yes, it is in fact possible.


Yikes, Scorpio. Im not sure what exactly is going down this weekend, but I do know that its going to be shitty. At periods it may seem like the world is end, but this is where your friends come in with ample quantities of booze to assure you that its not. Unless you count the floating icecaps and all but dont should be considered that right now. There is nothing more powerful than the will of a drunk daughter trying to cheer up her sad friend. If science could bottle that kind of attempt, “the worlds” would be at peace. Just sit back and try to keep your brain above sea; your friends should take care of the rest.


This is a weekend of new experiences and new people, Sagittarius, and your only chore is to go with the flow. Some if it may seem weird at times, but dont question it. If needed, employ some clichd attitude like youre only young once or its summer or I suffer from near constant existential dread and no longer dread the risk of being demise. You know, whatever works for you. Only keep an open intellect and let the universe take care of the rest.


Love is in the air, Capricorn. You may have perplexed it for allergens or smoke from wild burns, but its desire, we swear. Instead of moving the usual itinerary of avoiding that shit at all costs, this weekend try perhaps, I dont know, being open to it? Its a wild theory but stay with me here. Rumor has it that some people open themselves up to others and actually loved it. Bible. For the next two days, you are one of those foreign people with no walls or emotional luggage. Lets consider where it takes you.


The nostalgia is going to be real this weekend, Aquarius. Gross, right? Something about the weather, the stars, or the people will be taking you on a long trip-up down memory lane. It can be comforting to go back in time and remember the people who helped build you the person you are today. Or it can be horrifying. Guess theres merely one behavior to find out. No thing the outcome, alcohol will be there wants to talk to you through it.


I have one word for you this weekend, Pisces: you. Youve been doing the most these past few weeks and seem to only suffer for it, good aims be damned. Their own lives right now is the truest instance of no good deed runs unpunished, so its time to stop fucking doing good deeds. The next 48 hours should be a tribute to you and anyone whos not onboard can get tossed to the side. You deserve some unadulterated praise, and its about day you get it. Bless up.

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